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To each his own little cross, until he dies, and is forgotten
When will you have done with your acursed time?
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So, this is my online journal thing, where I combine the things I do, my random ideas that bother me all day, and literary quotes into one big abusurdist stew. Good luck figuring it out.
Sep. 25th, 2005 @ 11:46 pm (no subject)
They rustle like ashes
silly
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The End.
Sep. 25th, 2005 @ 11:44 pm (no subject)
They rustle like ashes
silly
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Well, thirty days from now, this'll expire. Its been fun kids, and the rides not over for some of you, but for those who it is... I'm sad to see you go. I'd promise to Keep in touch, or never forget, or any of those cliche things if it were true. Have fun, don't die.
Sep. 21st, 2005 @ 08:05 pm (no subject)
They rustle like ashes
silly
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Write to me!
MTC (first two Months):
Elder Douglas Wade
Russia Moscow Mission
Provo MTC
2005 N 900 E
Provo UT 84604

Pouch (letters):
Elder Douglas Wade
Russia Moscow Mission
POB 30150
Salt Lake City, UT 84130

In country:
Elder Douglas Wade
Russia Moscow Mission
Vrubelya Street #1
Metro Sokol
125080 Moscow
Russia
Sep. 21st, 2005 @ 02:03 pm (no subject)
They rustle like ashes
silly
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Current Mood: its inexplicable, really
My music for tonight: Third Eye Blind
Since I'm flying out to Utah on Monday, and I'm having a going-away party on Friday, I started packing today, and I've seen the people I want to see the most for the very last time, very possibly ever (yes, it takes that many reasons), I have had to come to terms with the fact that I am, indeed, going to leave. But I refuse to believe that life will go on with out me, that people will grow up, move on, lead happy fulfilled lives, but mostly not be there when I get back. There were so many things left unsaid. I wish I was a man of action, a man of courage, who said everythin he wanted so that when things came to an end, I couldn't say, "But wait, I'm not done yet!" And yet, here I am. Mostly, I want to go around and say sorry to people, but I never could bring myself to disturb old grounds to apologize for being such a... well, me. People, as a whole, are so good, they deserve to have better friends than me. I know that I am an abusive, smart-aleck, misanthropic jackass who will do anything for a bit of attention, but I'm sorry.
In any event, it was cool seeing everyone again. There is so much I wanted to say while I was there that I didn't. I can't think linearly every time I think I'm leaving. I can't wait to be in Russia, but I can and I will.

You left without saying goodbye
Although I'm sure you tried...

I suppose I should have been better about finding people Sunday to say goodbye to, but I hate goodbyes. I never know what to say. It's been fun, but it never will be again? It's been fun, and there's a slim chance that it will be again? Goodbye until we sit awkwardly at a table in some cafe and stare at each other awkwardly trying for the sake of a relationship that had no chance of surviving two years apart, but we like to maintain appearances? I feel like I'm dying, but I know I'm not.

I wonder is there anything
I'm going to miss
I wonder how it's going to be
When you don't know me
How's it going to be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be
When there's no one there to talk to...

Silly Caitlin, if you hadn't let me steal all your music, I would only have angry music so I wouldn't have to stew. But its okay, cause Death Cab is going to be on MTV selling their soul.
I have to get back to getting ready to leave.
Sep. 1st, 2005 @ 01:18 pm (no subject)
They rustle like ashes
silly
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Current Mood: crazed lunatic
My music for tonight: Breaking Benjamin
Last night while I was reading Lenin's "State and Revolutoin," I had the craziest idea (Lenin's utter madness must have rubbed off on me). I don't even know if I agree with it (whuch doesn't matter since it will never happen because it requires a totally different culture than we have). Here's how it could work:
1.) For the next decade or two, the government invests incredible amounts of money educating the public as to how the government works, both theory and practice, and in programs to increase civic concern, especially voter turnout.
2.) The government subsidizes internet connections for every citizen of the United States.
3.) A constitutional convention is called in each of the 50 states (not via the existing legislature for reasons you will see in a bit).
4.) The amendment that removes the ability of the legislative branch to pass legislation is passed, that replaces it with a democracy. The legislative branch (or maybe just the House of Reps) is left to simply proposing legislation, which is then turned over to the voters to be voted on via a nationwide internet-based polling system. Bills in the house would be passed on votes based on state population and bills in the Senate would be based on an equal vote for each state. Elected reps would still be nessecary to propose legislation. Votes would be invalid unless 2/3rds (per state) of those who are able to vote do so.

So why is this a good idea? In theory, this would reduce the amount of unnessecary legislation, since it would be difficult to pass. Also,it would reduce the number of deals cut on the I pass yours, you pass mine slant. It also would involve the people who currently supposedly run the government much more, cure apathy, and increase representation. The exectutive branch would help balance out the inneffiency of such a system, and the judicial system would avoid an overzealous public.
The downside is obvious: people wouldn't vote or care, legislators would use this to manipulate the public, and everything would be just like it is now, execpt much slower.
But if it worked...
Aug. 29th, 2005 @ 12:26 am (no subject)
They rustle like ashes
silly
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Current Mood: ennui
My music for tonight: Cake -- Pressure Chief
I've always had an affinity for literature.  I came up with an analogy for my relationship with literature to explain how I felt when I read Dostoyevsky's Notes From Underground (read it, its only a hour - two hour read, but it will change your life).  It goes something like this:  Literature is like walking alone through a dimly lit hall of old paintings.  Each painting shows something different in a different light, and has a different view of the world, and they're nice, but rather boring.  Every so often, while you're walking, you catch movement out of the corner of your eye.  At first, you are startled and scared -- you thought you were alone! -- but you look, and to your surprise, you are staring straight at your image in a mirror.  Its those moments we are there for, and that's the moment I had.  It was me, in a book.  It was incredible.
Also, my plans for a trip to Berkeley are falling together.  Looks like I will leave Bako on Sunday, 11 Sept, spend a few days with my grandparents in Burlingame, and then relocate to Berkeley on Thursday, FA the game on Saturday, and then leave Sunday afternoon.  I just don't know where I'm going to stay.  I hope I can borrow a couch...
Aug. 25th, 2005 @ 01:10 am (no subject)
They rustle like ashes
silly
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Current Mood: lame
So, just about the time that I thought that everyone had forgotten about me, roundabout comes my birthday (Yes! -- I couldn't help the music reference) so that everyone feels compelled to talk to me when they wouldn't otherwise, which is cool. To tell the truth, my birthday was incredibly lame. I spent the vast majority of it home alone, since my family is busy and all my friends have spread to the four winds. I didn't get any cool gifts, since I wouldn't be able to use them anyway. I got luggage and books and money, oh, and a ticket to Disneyland, which wasn't lame (since my family all has season passes, we're all going to go). It was typical of my life: I have become reclusive and boring, and constantly do nothing but read and watch Family Guy and Bond movies. Its pretty cushy, but I'm getting restless. Plus, my internet connection won't stay open for more than 5 minutes. Its very frustrating. It's getting so boring that I am making up ridiculous similes to pass the time. For instance: Life is not, never has been, and never will be a box of chocolates. Everything is not so sugarcoated. Life is much mroe like a violin case: some people get a Stradivarius and some a pile of sawdust, but what really matter is that some people use it to make beautiful music, and some use it to smuggle bombs onto busses. I like the simile because it has depth: the unknown at the beginning, the breadth in the middle, and the unexpected at the end. In any event, I'm probably coming up for the Sept. 17th game to FA. That is all.