Waiting for Godot

calbandmormonma @ 2005-09-25T23:46:00

2005-09-26T06:46:05Z

The End.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-09-25T23:44:00

2005-09-26T06:45:58Z

Well, thirty days from now, this'll expire. Its been fun kids, and the rides not over for some of you, but for those who it is... I'm sad to see you go. I'd promise to Keep in touch, or never forget, or any of those cliche things if it were true. Have fun, don't die.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-09-21T20:05:00

2005-09-22T04:27:40Z

Write to me!
MTC (first two Months):
Elder Douglas Wade
Russia Moscow Mission
Provo MTC
2005 N 900 E
Provo UT 84604

Pouch (letters):
Elder Douglas Wade
Russia Moscow Mission
POB 30150
Salt Lake City, UT 84130

In country:
Elder Douglas Wade
Russia Moscow Mission
Vrubelya Street #1
Metro Sokol
125080 Moscow
Russia

calbandmormonma @ 2005-09-21T14:03:00

2005-09-21T21:33:49Z

Since I'm flying out to Utah on Monday, and I'm having a going-away party on Friday, I started packing today, and I've seen the people I want to see the most for the very last time, very possibly ever (yes, it takes that many reasons), I have had to come to terms with the fact that I am, indeed, going to leave. But I refuse to believe that life will go on with out me, that people will grow up, move on, lead happy fulfilled lives, but mostly not be there when I get back. There were so many things left unsaid. I wish I was a man of action, a man of courage, who said everythin he wanted so that when things came to an end, I couldn't say, "But wait, I'm not done yet!" And yet, here I am. Mostly, I want to go around and say sorry to people, but I never could bring myself to disturb old grounds to apologize for being such a... well, me. People, as a whole, are so good, they deserve to have better friends than me. I know that I am an abusive, smart-aleck, misanthropic jackass who will do anything for a bit of attention, but I'm sorry.
In any event, it was cool seeing everyone again. There is so much I wanted to say while I was there that I didn't. I can't think linearly every time I think I'm leaving. I can't wait to be in Russia, but I can and I will.

You left without saying goodbye
Although I'm sure you tried...

I suppose I should have been better about finding people Sunday to say goodbye to, but I hate goodbyes. I never know what to say. It's been fun, but it never will be again? It's been fun, and there's a slim chance that it will be again? Goodbye until we sit awkwardly at a table in some cafe and stare at each other awkwardly trying for the sake of a relationship that had no chance of surviving two years apart, but we like to maintain appearances? I feel like I'm dying, but I know I'm not.

I wonder is there anything
I'm going to miss
I wonder how it's going to be
When you don't know me
How's it going to be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be
When there's no one there to talk to...

Silly Caitlin, if you hadn't let me steal all your music, I would only have angry music so I wouldn't have to stew. But its okay, cause Death Cab is going to be on MTV selling their soul.
I have to get back to getting ready to leave.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-09-01T13:18:00

2005-09-01T20:32:25Z

Last night while I was reading Lenin's "State and Revolutoin," I had the craziest idea (Lenin's utter madness must have rubbed off on me). I don't even know if I agree with it (whuch doesn't matter since it will never happen because it requires a totally different culture than we have). Here's how it could work:
1.) For the next decade or two, the government invests incredible amounts of money educating the public as to how the government works, both theory and practice, and in programs to increase civic concern, especially voter turnout.
2.) The government subsidizes internet connections for every citizen of the United States.
3.) A constitutional convention is called in each of the 50 states (not via the existing legislature for reasons you will see in a bit).
4.) The amendment that removes the ability of the legislative branch to pass legislation is passed, that replaces it with a democracy. The legislative branch (or maybe just the House of Reps) is left to simply proposing legislation, which is then turned over to the voters to be voted on via a nationwide internet-based polling system. Bills in the house would be passed on votes based on state population and bills in the Senate would be based on an equal vote for each state. Elected reps would still be nessecary to propose legislation. Votes would be invalid unless 2/3rds (per state) of those who are able to vote do so.

So why is this a good idea? In theory, this would reduce the amount of unnessecary legislation, since it would be difficult to pass. Also,it would reduce the number of deals cut on the I pass yours, you pass mine slant. It also would involve the people who currently supposedly run the government much more, cure apathy, and increase representation. The exectutive branch would help balance out the inneffiency of such a system, and the judicial system would avoid an overzealous public.
The downside is obvious: people wouldn't vote or care, legislators would use this to manipulate the public, and everything would be just like it is now, execpt much slower.
But if it worked...

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-29T00:26:00

2005-08-29T07:27:36Z

I've always had an affinity for literature. I came up with an analogy for my relationship with literature to explain how I felt when I read Dostoyevsky's Notes From Underground (read it, its only a hour - two hour read, but it will change your life). It goes something like this: Literature is like walking alone through a dimly lit hall of old paintings. Each painting shows something different in a different light, and has a different view of the world, and they're nice, but rather boring. Every so often, while you're walking, you catch movement out of the corner of your eye. At first, you are startled and scared -- you thought you were alone! -- but you look, and to your surprise, you are staring straight at your image in a mirror. Its those moments we are there for, and that's the moment I had. It was me, in a book. It was incredible.
Also, my plans for a trip to Berkeley are falling together. Looks like I will leave Bako on Sunday, 11 Sept, spend a few days with my grandparents in Burlingame, and then relocate to Berkeley on Thursday, FA the game on Saturday, and then leave Sunday afternoon. I just don't know where I'm going to stay. I hope I can borrow a couch...

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-25T01:10:00

2005-08-25T08:27:09Z

So, just about the time that I thought that everyone had forgotten about me, roundabout comes my birthday (Yes! -- I couldn't help the music reference) so that everyone feels compelled to talk to me when they wouldn't otherwise, which is cool. To tell the truth, my birthday was incredibly lame. I spent the vast majority of it home alone, since my family is busy and all my friends have spread to the four winds. I didn't get any cool gifts, since I wouldn't be able to use them anyway. I got luggage and books and money, oh, and a ticket to Disneyland, which wasn't lame (since my family all has season passes, we're all going to go). It was typical of my life: I have become reclusive and boring, and constantly do nothing but read and watch Family Guy and Bond movies. Its pretty cushy, but I'm getting restless. Plus, my internet connection won't stay open for more than 5 minutes. Its very frustrating. It's getting so boring that I am making up ridiculous similes to pass the time. For instance: Life is not, never has been, and never will be a box of chocolates. Everything is not so sugarcoated. Life is much mroe like a violin case: some people get a Stradivarius and some a pile of sawdust, but what really matter is that some people use it to make beautiful music, and some use it to smuggle bombs onto busses. I like the simile because it has depth: the unknown at the beginning, the breadth in the middle, and the unexpected at the end. In any event, I'm probably coming up for the Sept. 17th game to FA. That is all.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-23T00:10:00

2005-08-23T07:16:55Z

Heyo. I'm back from a rather traumatic bout of food poisoning. I think I got it from In 'N' Out, which is depressing because I love In 'N' Out, but nice, since there are many wonderful food poisoning-related jokes that are punny and call on bodily functions for laughs (especially since it went in one end, and exited via the other). I will spare you, but you can imagine. Other than that, life is still fairly uneventful. I did... well, nothing. A quiz, then, in lieu of something interesting:

At this point, I would like to point out that this is NOT a haiku, as the second line has one more syllable than is allowed (eight, not seven). That's not my fault. I didn't write it, some program did.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-21T00:25:00

2005-08-21T07:35:21Z

So, I've been really mopey recently because everyone I know is going back to school and band and stuff, and I'm all alone in Ass, CA, and that sucks. I'm here for another 38 days, 12 hours, and 33 minutes while everyone else is having a blast. :( Plus, when I leave here, I have to languish in Provo, Utah for I know not how long while I learn to speak Russian before I can go to Moscow! (and you know how I feel about Utah...) People need to write to me and tell me what's happening because I am ridiculously curious about Cal Band, and what everyone is doing in Berkeley and all the other places they are in.
But today I went to the beach, and that made everything better for a while. It was my little sister's birthday, so she decided she wanted to go to the beach and take her friends. I boogey boarded (because I'm too lame to surf), and just chillaxed. I love the beach. I burned well, because what's a day at the beach without a burn? However, I missed my annual riptide. I guess I'll have to go to the beach again before it gets too cold.
Fin.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-19T01:52:00

2005-08-19T08:52:35Z


led zeppelin is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-19T01:47:00

2005-08-19T08:50:30Z

Okay, so this is the hard part. So I'm stoked about going to Russia and all, but according to my cell phone, I don't have to be at the MTC for another 40 days, 11 hours, and 12 minutes. Meanwhile, everyone else is off having a blast at college, and I'm stuck at home watching CSI and reading Russian poetry while desperately trying to gain any knowledge of the Russian language (so far, no luck: I retain roughly nothing). Its a little frustrating. In any event...

I still think good-byes are awkward and wierd.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-14T00:12:00

2005-08-14T07:14:15Z

The thought I've been chewing on is this: I believe that a basic duplicituousness/duality is a nessecary part of being human, on most if not all levels. More on this later.

Edit: Scratch that. Decided to add a chapter to my book on it instead (If you can call what I've written a chapter, or what I plan on writing a book...). If anyone really wants to read it, tell me and I'll post it here.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-12T22:47:00

2005-08-13T05:51:57Z

In more different news, the Bay Area Center for Voting Research did a study that ranked cities on a liberal-conservative continuum. The best part is, I moved from Berkeley (number 3 most liberal in the nation) to Bakersfield (number 8 most conservative in the nation). Go me. Se more at: www.votingresearch.org/

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-12T22:28:00

2005-08-13T05:47:13Z

So, I'm back at home now. I got back into my reading a lot, and my most recent book is the Qur'an (to put it into perspective I read the "Complete Idiots Guide to Understanding Islam" -- I thought that was a fairly accurate discription of the whole thing). Its very interesting to see the differences, though it is quite obvious to me that its not the religion for me. I find it very... discontinuous, and anyone who has heard my discourses on religion konws that this is quite a sticking point for me. But its very eye-opening. I understand much better why now two groups of people can sight the Qur'an both to say that, indeed it is alright to blow Doug up, and no, that is frowned upon. Its as, if not more, self-contradicting than the Bible.
In any event, the other big event in the life of Doug is that my mother has decided to hire a landscape architect to re-landscape our backyard, which sounds nice, but really isn't. See, this entails me and my mom (and theoretically my sisters and Dad, but they haven't helped at all) tearing out nearly every plant that is in my backyard. So then we had a giant pile of brush in the backyard, which somehow, mysteriously (maybe from a spark from the chainsaw?) in some unknown way caught fire. A big fire. The kind of fire that was described to band newmen for Big Game Bonfire. THAT kind of fire. It was AWESOME! Needless to say, the fire department came, and we had to describe how it was an accident and put it out, which made me sad cause it was fairly safe. Luckily it was Kern County, so the KCFD was very leniant about the whole thing, and we didn't have to pay a fine. It was totally worth it, though. Especially since I smell like smoke :)
Plus, I finally got up enough courage to cancel my registration to Cal. I'm officially not a Cal student anymore :(

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-12T00:53:00

2005-08-12T07:55:17Z

Long post to follow.

Okay, so I have been promising vacation notes for like, ever, so I figured I should provide them.

My overall impression was that New York City is an incredible city, but that I much prefer The City. I was very excited by the multiculturalism, though, especially the abundance of French speakers to talk to (and eavesdrop on… its incredible what people say if they think no-one can hear), though Brits were fun too. In some more tourist-y areas, I would bet that native English speakers were not the majority, and I know that Americans were in the minority. The metro is awesome, and LA should get one, but better ventilated, and BART should aspire to the number of stops, but not the cleanliness. I enjoy the amount of culture available, and wish I had access to it more often.

The background: My mom planned this approximately 1 week before we left as the 2nd "last family vacation" (because since every time I move out, I'm obviously never coming back). Her plan was to rent a car and trace the migration of the early church from upstate New York to Nauvoo, Illinois, whereas us kids had been lobbying to go to France for a week. Since my Mom vetoed the Europe idea (expensive), and we vetoed Church history tour (boooooring), we settled on a week in NYC. I was prepared for a battle-royale, with the five of us in one room for 8 nights, and 9 days together. I was wrong, though things got a little tense at times. In any event:

Flew in Friday, which has already been discussed.

Saturday -- a day to acclimate, so to speak. We really didn't do much in the way of touring, but mostly wandered the streets aimlessly to get a feel for the city. We slept in, because everyone was tired from leaving (which is always an adventure in the Wade household -- this time we got two hours of sleep the night before). We visited the New York Public Library, since my Mom is a librarian. I could have used my Cal ID to get into some of the closed research collections, but I didn’t want to fill out the paperwork. However, I did sneak into the closed Slavic studies library by looking important (no-one stops someone who looks like they are where they should be) to look at some of the Russian literature. Plus, the Declaration of Independence was there, so I have an illegal picture of the original, written by Jefferson’s hand. The building itself is incredible – vaulted, painted ceilings and wood everywhere. We also visited Times Square and ate dinner in little Italy.

Sunday -- we went to church in Manhattan. It was odd, though, because the church is right under the temple! It always surprises me that The Church is the same everywhere. The lesson we had in Sunday School was the same as was taught in Bako (well, it was different, since there were different teachers, but you know what I mean). Afterwards, we went to a streetfair that was right next door, mostly because we like street fairs. My mom bought an area rug that was huge! Getting that home was… fun. We took a family nap afterwards, and then scoped out Broadway and found where our musicals would be, in case we were running late (which we were).

Monday -- we started to do serious tourism. We went to see Grand Central Station (which is a palace on the way to the Empire State building (insert requisite fawning here. The view was awesome, though. I would write, but, as most things, you just have to see it). We then saw Ground Zero, which isn’t very zero-y anymore, but is being built on. The plans look cool. We then took the Staten Island Ferry because it has a great view of the Hudson Bay for free.

Tuesday -- we visited the UN, which is particularly enjoyed. I got to see the General Assembly room and the Security council room and other rooms like that, and it was cool to see the places that George Bush ignores. We shopped on Fifth Avenue, since my littlest sister is into that kind of thing, got Russian food, and then saw the musical Chicago. Wonderful. I want to play in a musical orchestra again. It’s the bestest thing ever.

Wednesday (the only word I can consistently misspell) – The statue of Liberty and Ellis Islands took up the majority of our day. I really enjoyed both of them. The museums were cool, and of course, the Statue is incredible. I’m mad how you can’t climb into it anymore, though. C’est la vie. We got Chinese food in Chinatown, and then watched the opera Turandot in the park, which was awesome. Only in New York do premier opera companies do free performances.

Thursday -- We visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art (a side note: one of the things I regret most is not having visited more art museums while we were in NYC, but that wasn’t my choice, eh?). I could have spent a week in there, but instead we spent a half day. I feel in love with a painting by Miro called Photo: This is the Color of My Dreams. I was unhappy with the lack of Islamic art (my newest interest is the religion of Islam – more on that later) and the lack of photography, but was very excited about the Arms and Armory, Egyptian Temple (about the size of a small house), the modern art, and the Ancient Greek and Roman collection. I had to breeze through rather quickly, and totally ignore the European paintings, but it was really great. We then visited Papaya Dog. I mention it because it was the best hot dog in New York (and only 99 cents!) and the Papaya juice was to die for. I love food. My mom wanted to visit the largest department story in the Universe, which is a Macy’s, so I slept on a lazy boy for a while, and then we saw The Producers. Spamalot was sold out, and my mom vetoed Avenue Q, but Producers was genius.

Friday – We mostly spent the day in Central Park, which is unexpectedly HUGE, which was very nice. It was in Central Park that it occurred to me that I don’t think I would make it in NY because everything is so tall that you feel trapped. This makes me sad, because I really wish I could live in a place that has so much to offer. We went into Harlem that day for a bit, and I must say, it doesn’t show much signs of having had a Renaissance. At least not like Europe. We went to the beach at Coney Island (just so we could talk about how much better they are in SoCal) and saw fireworks. We also ate at Nathan’s Hot Dogs, since it’s famous. The dogs are over-rated, I must say, and the chili-cheese down right sucks. Pinks in LA is WAY better, and Tommy’s chili-cheese slaughtered Nathan’s. Nathan’s did make a mean onion pepper dog, but I still prefer Pinks in LA by far (to anything anywhere).

Saturday – flew home. The flirting was hard going on the flight home. On the way to Chicago, I said 5 words to the girl next to me before she clamped on headphones, and I got stuck between my sisters on the flight to LA. That’s my favorite part about flying, by the way – flirting with girls since they can’t go anywhere and they have nothing better to do. My baggage was lost, but now it’s found. And that’s all.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-06T21:40:00

2005-08-07T04:40:56Z

Back in Bako. Vacation was awesome; more on that later.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-08-03T21:16:00

2005-08-04T04:17:44Z

Still in New York. Still having fun. More on that when I get home, cause right now I need to either be sleping, or enjoying NYC. The girls here are incredibly hot. That is all.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-07-29T22:52:00

2005-07-30T06:06:06Z

As the nature of Truth is battled over some passing word choice of mine on my last post, I have flown to New York. The trip was mildly unpleasant, as we started out at 6 AM, and didn't arrive until after midnight. I only got 2 hours of sleep before we left, so I was hyper down to LAX, asleep to Chicago, eating during the layover, and flirting on the plane. I met this really cool girl named Jen on the plane (she sat next to me, and she was, well, fun to talk to AND look at), and we talked and played cars the whole way. She ws from NYC, but is studying Computer Science at University of Northern Texas. She was the kind of girl I like, because she laughed at my jokes so I could pretend I was funny. In any event, I'm in New York City right now, and should be getting to bed. The plans are sketchy, so... wich me luck. And that I won't kill my family.

I have decided.

2005-07-28T08:08:22Z

I have decided that the idea that you should live each day like its your last is a steaming pile.
I have decided that I am more unstable than I have previously given myself credit for. I am a veritable chimera
I have decided that I have 'soul cramps,' where my soul siezes upon something, and even when it lets go, I still have that lingering bizarre tightness.
I have decided that I have been alive my whole life, and am yet to realize it.
I have decided that to be friends, you must actually be within arms reach of them at that very moment.
I have decided that Americans have pitiful senses of humour, myself included.
I have decided that it is strange that I periodically spell things in a British fashion.
I have decided that I am over-rated.
I have decided that TV is evil.
I have decided that I abuse livejournal because I am whiny and say useless things.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-07-26T01:59:00

2005-07-26T09:06:30Z

Today I made a discovery that has led me to believe that the mouth may be the most important part of the body. I find it to be best written as such:
The most important things in life -- food, music, language, women -- should not be attempted to be understood with the mind, but simply placed in the mouth.

In other news, I am going to NYC on Friday. This could prove to be a fiasco, as it is a family vacation.
In other other news, my sister got an iPod for her birthday, but as she did not have nearly enough music to fill it, I filled it for her. I'm so nice, but now I have terrible iPod envy. But my grandma Pat is making iPod noises, so I may be in luck.
In more different other news, Noah and JBIV dropped by on Sunday for dinner, which was awesome. That is all for now.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-07-22T23:53:00

2005-07-23T07:06:28Z

Hey y'all! There is free internet at my hotel, so I'm writing from West Covina. It was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, and my whole Dad's side family gathered together to celebrate all that. Unfortunately, I don't know most of them, but it was still fun. It was good to see my cousins again, cause I hadn't seen Heidi for 4 years, and we used to be pretty close. She's only 9 months younger than me, so we relate well. The wierd thing was, I met my half-second-cousin (there might be an adoption in there somewhere too, but I'm not sure at all), who's a year and a half younger than me, and she was, well... have you ever heard that joke, "You might be a redneck if you go to family reunions to pick up girls?" There was part of me that wanted to embrace my redneck heritage, but I didn't. I love 'Family Guy.' Its on right now. That is all.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-07-22T04:14:00

2005-07-22T11:22:31Z

Its been over 100 for longer than I can remember, and I'm sick of waking up in a puddle of my own sweat. But that's life, so... oh well. The worst thing is, my mom has been yelling at me because she just got the AC bill and it was over $500, like it was my fault or something. I never turn it down below 80! Oh well. At least the AC is working.
Today was pretty awesome. I don't know when I woke up, but I read John Steinbeck's travel journal from his trip to Russia before getting up at 3:30. I ate and showered and whatever, watched some TV, and then went to see the play 'Closer' at the Empty Space (the only non-profit theatre run solely on patron donation in the country -- what its doing in Bakersfield, I don't know, but they always put on kick-ass theatre, like Waiting for Godot, Of Mice and Men, and Two Gentlemen of Verona. This theatre is the only theatre I attend on a regular basis) with Erin, who's cool. I've known her since Jr. High, but I hadn't seen her since I graduted HS. She was... surprisingly attractive. That was fun. The play was really good, and very frank about relationships and sex and lies and Truth and all that, and left me and Erin to agree that, indeed, there are no happy people in this world. I love my cynicism/pessimism, especially when I have someone who appreciates it. Afterwards, I watched like 4 episodes of Family Guy, and then played Rummy with my little sisters until now. It was a good day.
Will be in LA tomorrow, and New York next week (well, end of next week, beginning of the week after). Later.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-07-19T04:05:00

2005-07-19T11:14:07Z

The Air-conditioner is broken. That is not okay.
Back in Bakersfield after visiting Berkeley for 4-5 days. I could count, but I'm not going too. I went to Laura's B'day party (it was fun -- I saw friends and Willy Wonka -- but there were some awkward moments), chilled with friends, made sure I could re-enroll, played a CalSO and NorCal BBQ (so awesome, though I realized I will not be able to play at all after my mission), and generally escaped the heat. The AC conked out on the way home, and it was 100+ (any temperature over an hundred feels the same), so that was an adventure until I fixed it (electrical stuff -- a fuse was loose). It was really nice to get away from Bakersfield. Unfortunately, I don't have an excuse to leave now for a long time.
I have continued to study up on Russia and Russian, and I am totally stoked because I'm going to be able to see St. Basil's Cathedral (its the one from Tetris, and every other picture of Moscow ever). Russian history and culture is fascinating. Did you know that Russians will not shake hands over a threshold? Also, if you want an urshanka (the big fuzzy hats), I've heard they cost $3, plus S&H, so I can send a huge box to people who want them from Berkeley (like, to Noah or TH or something) if you want to send me like, $8-$10. I'm thinking it would be cool if all the Bonez had them, and wore them to stuff (maybe instead of the straw hat...).

calbandmormonma @ 2005-07-12T02:20:00

2005-07-12T09:46:06Z

Ergh... I was tagged by Yosef. I don't know the answers, so I'll just make some up.

10 Fictional Characters I would sleep with:
1.) Tess Durbeyfield (Tess of D'Urberfields, Hardy) -- I don't know why, but she really appeals to me.
2.) Sam/Natalie Portman (Garden State)
3.) Kate (East of Eden, Steinbeck) -- As long as she didn't kill me.
4.) Ariel (The Little Mermaid) -- seashells, red hair, and such a nice butt.
5.) Jasmine (Aladdin) -- Aie!
6.) Lady Ashley Brett (The Sun Also Rises, Hemingway) -- "Wouldn't it be pretty to think so?"
7.) Morgan Le Fay (Le Morte D'Arthur, Mallory) -- Evil is apealing
8.) Lara Croft/Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider) -- I like big... eyes. And guns.
9.) Helen of Troy (The Iliad) -- Face that launched a thousand ships in my lap...
10.) Lois (Family Guy)

Runners-up
Kirby -- he can suck!
Una (Spenser's Faerie Queene) -- I'd take her innocence
My girlfriend -- She's certainly fictional
Carmen Electra -- I don't believe in Carmen Electra; I think she's a fictional character made up to sell movies and playboys.

calbandmormonma @ 2005-07-11T00:55:00

2005-07-11T07:55:55Z

Russian is hard.

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